Why is your face becoming red?

“Why is your face becoming red?”

My friend asked me why my face is red. I answered him,

“Because I am angry, because I want to kill people, but I don’t know how”

Yeah, my face is really red today because of my sensitivity to cold weather. But, actually, today is really breakdown for me. I got my midterm result for course that I hate so much. I prepared one day because I need to accompany my family to Busan at that moment, so I didn’t have much time to study. But I don’t want to use this as excuse.

In short, my result was quiet bad. I am not satisfied with the result. My other friends studied the similar way as me, but they are smart enough to get better score than mine. Well, I should have accepted it since I did not study. But, why am I so angry? And I got the result in the wrong time also, because I am in the middle of preparing myself for the Final Exam. Now, I could not focus at all, since I need to do well to survive, otherwise I will be lack behind among others. This subject is my supervisor’s subject, so I need to do well at least, but I hate it 😐

This hatred led me to unmotivated life during this semester. There is no single motivation left to study this subject at all. my fault? I don’t know. I never plan to take this course. I was taking this course by force.

Other than that, the exam is on Nov 30. And on Dec 1, I have another important presentation. And I could not prepare for that, even I like that subject more T.T

I am becoming robot ….

Should I sacrifice the other subject to survive in my prof’s subject which is I hate?

 

What I can do by now is doing my best to survive.

what a very cliche word hahahaha

 

 

@Lab (and I dont know whether I can go home or not)

Seoul, 2016.11.28

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